Almost in the Trash

kiri draped over steering wheel as I knit beachside

When I was younger (it seems to me like 12-ish), I can remember sewing myself a pair of shorts - or trying to. It seems to me I was trying to derive a patchwork effect using a bright green fabric and a brightly-colored large polka-dot fabric. In my head, I can still see those fabrics. They were very bright, and they've taken on a garish cast in my head. But, this was the early 80's, so it's probably not that out of place. The shorts were simple in construction with an elastic waist, but I was a novice sewer, and I ran into trouble somewhere along the line, got frustrated, and threw them in the trash (or at least threatened to as I stomped away from the machine). I don't remember the specifics of the day, but I know my Grandmother patiently went and got them (either from the trash or the sewing table, wherever they really had ended up), and patiently fixed them for me and got me back on track. Somehow her "patience" in that moment has always stuck with me. I don't have the best memory (which is why I record and write down as much as I can of what's happening day to day - I'm old enough now to be seriously saddened by how little I "recall" when I look back of things I once thought would stick with me forever), but the gist of those shorts... the bright green and the dots... my frustration... my throwing them aside... and Grandma retrieving them and fixing them has stuck with me.

I've thrown countless projects down in frustration - and amid tears - through the years and in various creative mediums. In knitting, M and Mom make fun of me often for how many times I take things out and do them again. In knitting, generally, it doesn't bother me that much to unknit something or pull it off the needles to correct a problem spotted only several rows later. There have, of course, been projects though where repeated problems have left me close to tears.

Kiri hasn't brought me to tears, but the other day, I did come very close to just tossing it aside and saying "forget it." Since I started it, time and time again I'd think things were going along smoothly only to find, after the fact, that something had gone wrong. I've read that Rowan KSH isn't easy to unknit. Neither is the Crystal Palace Kid Merino. It's sticky. It doesn't want to be undone. Still, I've undone more rows than I care to admit of Kiri (no more than 2 rows at a time though).

After running into a few problems with count early on, I pulled out markers to mark the stitch repeat sections. I like using markers with lace, especially since I often to have to put my knitting down multiple times before completing a row ("Mama, can you get me some milk? Mama, can you get Spencer off of me? Mama,can you hand me that? Mama I need...). Markers are my friend.

But not with Kiri.

The first time after I added the markers in, I was really thrown when I got to the next right side row, and the count appeared to be off. While the pattern notes that you should use markers if you want to (and don't use them if you don't want to), it doesn't note that the position of the marker moves each right side row. So, I hadn't done anything wrong, it was the nature of the pattern. But it took me a while to realize that. I suspected the markers moved, but I kept counting the 12-stitch repeat and seeing 12 stitches, so it didn't click. I now (finally) realize that because of the way the stitches before and after the repeats (at each end, in other words) function, the repeat section is moving over with each right side row. But gee, it would have helped me a lot if that had been noted. It just wasn't obvious enough to me, I guess because two of the three shawls I've made have been marker-friendly despite beginning and end-of-row increases.

So, I did hit a point the other morning where I almost threw Kiri aside and gave up on the project, especially because even though I don’t feel like I’ll finish with the Olympics, I am feeling a bit “driven” by the project (because of the Knitting Olympics) and haven’t been switching on and off between it and another project the way I normally might. So, having had trouble at almost every sitting when I’ve been knitting (late) at night (and sleepy-eyed), I sat down the other day in the morning with my first cup of (decaf) coffee and thought to knit a few rows while the boys played. Almost instantly, I ran into trouble. Not sure what had gone wrong, I took a whole row out, and still it looked wrong. Every time I counted, I seemed to be short - on each side of the center marker.

I was really, really frustrated. I got up and did a few things around the house, debating in my head whether or not I should just scrap the project... really seriously considering it. After all, the shawl has moved from exciting to just another knit, and a particularly unforgiving one, at that. I’m not “loving” the yarn as much as I thought I might (though I think it's just a passing thing). The magic of starting a new project has waned. As the rows get longer and longer, and as some nights I feel like I’ve spent more time painstakingly unknitting this hairy sticky mess of yarn than making forward progress, the spark of enchantment has surely dulled.

But, I’m not 12 anymore. I don’t give up easily. I sat back down and pulled the pattern out of my bag again, looking in vain (I thought) at the simple chart of the final right side row of the repeat. I’d looked at it several times as I recounted before, but this time, my error jumped out at me. I’m so used to the decreases at the beginning and end of each row and before and after the middle stitch, that I wasn’t even realizing that on that final row of the repeat, you do not decrease. There’s just the yarnover and then six stitches. As I realized that’s what I’d been doing wrong (and counting wrongly) on the row, I realized/remembered/recalled (as if in a knit-induced daze of denial) that I’d had the same problem a few nights before (and made the same mistake).

This time, I think I’ve learned. I’ve got it.

Row 9 of the repeat will no longer cause troubles. I will not forget.

And so Kiri has been coming along. Despite the fact that I’m not “loving” it at the moment, every time M sees it, she comments on how beautiful the yarn is working up. She’s not a shawl person, so it’s not a hint. She just thinks it’s pretty. It’s actually light as a cloud, too. It’s almost disconcerting to see this bit of fluff that hangs from the bottom of the needles. It’s just this airy, hazey, puff of green and red yarn. It has no weight to it. It’s fuzzy. It’s mohairy. Will it really turn out to be something wearable? I’ve never had anything this light before. My Charlotted (which will always be my true love) has good weight to it. Even my Flower Basket Shawl has substance to it. But Kiri? It’s weightless.

It’s going smoothly now though. I think I somehow turned a corner with the pattern. I don’t think I’ll mess up on that row anymore, and now that I understand that the markers move, I’m just shifting them around as I get to them, and then on that final row, I take them all off and add them all in anew on the first right-side row of the next repeat. It feels a bit tedious, but as the rows get longer, especially, having the markers there gives me some peace of mind.