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Birthday Retrospective

Amy Creative Journey | Featured | Philosophical Threads ,
2017 ICAD Self Portrait - title card
Above: my ICAD title card for 2017 was a self-portrait, also true in 2016.
As is my tradition, I will draw a self-portrait today for my index card, too.

I had hoped to do some kind of birthday podcast retrospective while on this pseudo vacation…. I did have a number of plans, trying to prepare for not being able to “really” podcast. It was a bit of a “comfort food project packing” moment when I crafted some hazy retrospective plan because I knew that not only would I probably not have the time but I would probably also not have access to a computer to bring it about. Even so, I gathered up copies of some older files, some audio bits and pieces and show MP3s, on a portable drive. In that process, I discovered that I don’t have the source files anywhere handy for old files. I really, really hope those source files are on a different drive somewhere. I’m often out of space and have been forced to move things or delete things numerous times in the past few years, and I have had a least one total system crash and replacement since I started the podcast.

I do worry that the source for the old shows may be lost. I keep telling myself that these files are somewhere… and yet I also know that they may be (only) on the portable drive sitting next to my computer that has failed. This thought makes me queasy. Really. That drive was the only backup for years. I offloaded all kinds of things to it, including, if I am remembering correctly, the source files for the first bunch of shows… maybe the first 100 or more. I tried again to see if I could access that drive before leaving, and it’s totally dead. (I had forgotten it was dead until I plugged it in to look for the podcast source files.) If I could afford it, I would probably try and see if a recovery service could get the files off for me. I can’t, and my need it not imminent. So, for now, it sits there… dead data.

While here, I ended up not ever working beyond my Chromebook, and that doesn’t enable me to work with podcast files. That’s one of the downsides of the system. So… I never pulled up the birthday shows. This morning, I thought I might listen to one just now in the background (with headphones) as I scrolled social media and eased into my day (and the birthday “list” of things to cram into a day) to see what I said way back then. I am no longer the only one awake, but I am going to listen to the first few minutes of one. I find myself more and more curious about what I’ve said in the past. I feel like this last year of podcasting is a new me, a new sound, a new perspective, and a new voice. But sometimes I see the show notes for old shows, and I think, “Wow! I would listen to that.” But only in actually hearing myself will I be able to tell if there is a difference, if I am still the same person, if I was making something then that I still think has quality and value and meaning now. I fear that I will listen back and cringe. I hope not, but that is the risk!

Here are a few birthday links from the past. I can’t vouch for how these will sound — the show was VERY different then than now. But in case you need a podcast fix, you should be able to pull these shows up. (Some of the very early ones are not available — that was partly why I had thought to do a surprise retrospective. I guess it will have to wait!)

Be Gentle

A quick note about music: today, it is VERY difficult to use music in a podcast. When I started recording in 2006, there was so much podsafe music available, and choosing the music was a big part of the show for me. My birthday shows at that point were very music-oriented/themed. In checking out Episode 4 (below), which is a “vault” show, I am reminded of the music. I still love the music I used to play! So listen to it… don’t just skip it. I also notice in listening to the first bit of Episode 4 how young I sound, how unsure, how scripted. It is different in sound, for sure. If you are brand new to the CMP, please check out a current podcast and give the CMP a chance!

I only listened to about 15 minutes of Episode 4. I need to move on and be a “part” of my day with my family—a special day. But the bit I heard was, yes… a bit awkward and very stilted. This “bit” shows me how very, very different I sound now. The podcast has given me something immeasurable, unquantifiable, and impossible to ever fully articulate in terms of its importance in my life. Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me since 2006. I see the gap, too, when I was looking for the June shows. No shows for 2014 and 2015. I am so glad I came back in 2016. I found myself again — and I know that now in 2017, I am a different me… stronger and more committed than ever.

I would love to re-record parts of the older shows or at least piece them into something new (without the music). But I have to get at those source files to make some of that possible. Food for future thought or a rainy day!

For now… enjoy this flashback to a 30-something me.

Birthday Shows (and posts) from the CMP Archive

Note: links provided to books, tools, and other resources on the Creativity Matters Podcast website may be affiliate links for which the podcast would make a (very) small amount of money if the item was purchased. Links are provided for convenience to help you find/see/explore the books, tools, and resources I talk about. Using the library, when possible, is always my first recommendation.

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